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Do you get tired of email Spam?

I checked with my friend Sigmund and he reminded me of something he said long ago "sometimes a pen is only a pen."

To which I replied, "Siggy, it isn't just the length, but it has a huge nib and holds lots of ink!"

He sat me down on the couch and pulled out a pad and a M600, lit up a cigar, and said "Tell me about your Father and Mother. What kind of pens did they use?" Did you love your Mother's pen or were you jealous of your Father's pen?

I replied, "What does this have to do with pen size?

Patiently, he commented" Sometimes, repressed childhood emotions are expressed by transferring those feelings to objects. Those objects may share characteristics with the source of the emotions and one of the ways that is manifested is by acquiring and controlling your own objects. By declaring an appreciation of larger and larger pens your subconscious can manifest that you can indeed measure up to your father's expectations for you and reacquire the nurturing you no longer get from your mother."

"All that from a pen" I asked?

"Not just pens. Also fast cars, bicycles, straight-razors, guns, knives, non-existent paramilitary groups, quaint technology, and even religion and politics" retorted Sigmund.

"But that's all we ever talk about on fountain pen discussion boards I cried.

"Now, now, don't get too excited" he soothed. After all, discussion boards are just a substitute for dealing with these issues with real people. On the boards you can invent personas and avatars, make outlandish claims about the number and size of your pens, glean insights from handwriting analysis, compare colors, and show how tough you are. A fountain pen discussion board is a worthy substitute for having a real life. Pen friends are a good substitute for not having real friends. After all, if boasting about having a Pelikan Souverain 1000 makes up for your self-selected inadequacies, then posting on a fountain pen discussion board makes up for not having a real life."

He went on "After all, it is all about your fantasies. For some, they are expressed in dreams. For you, it all comes out in your posts. Like dreams, they can be instructive, but they are evanescent, non-material, and, like when Mother wakes you up for school and you hurriedly roll over on your stomach, they are but history when the network archetypes purge the record."

Thoughtfully, I staggered out of his parlor, leaving him toking away on that big cigar.

Is it meaningful if I like big pens?
Is it meaningful if I have a big pen?
Do I think less of people with small pens?
Will people think less of me if I have a small pen?

Hmmm. I'd better take my M1000 out of display storage and return it to daily rotation. After all, what must people think if I only use my .......................

Andy